To be honest I have no idea what I am doing.
So, one of my best friends from college came to visit me last weekend (if you are reading this, hey Dele!). After a few long talks over coffee or wine we had a common feeling "stuck", "off" , "lost" & extremely anxious about it.
A lot of these feelings stemmed from what the hell we are going to do in the future, specifically after graduation from UW-Lacrosse. I am a Psychology major & Adele is a Sociology major & we are constantly faced with the question "Oh, what are you going to do with that?" "Will that require grad school?"
The truth is...I have no effing idea.
The even bigger truth is...I am beginning to feel okay about not having an effing idea.
It's okay not to know...there is so much energy put into controlling something that could change in a millisecond. We let worry & planning consume so much of the present we lose so many moments.
At the end of my first semester of sophomore year I was adamant about getting a 4.0, on my way home for Thanksgiving break a woman ran a stop right going 65 mph and totaled my car sending me to Regions Hospital. The present moment flipped a switch on my future in an instant.
I was set on being an art therapist for kids with cancer- get my clinical counseling license, maybe even my doctorate & then I took a semester off of school, went to Dubai for 3 months & changed my plan changed...again..
Am I going to do internships this summer? Model in a different country again? Go work with elephants in Thailand? Become a certified yoga instructor in Cape Town?
The thing that puts me at ease when it comes to my future is that I absolutely love Psychology. I look forward to my classes. I enjoy picking my professors brains. I love to read articles about new discoveries & advancements in the field. I get excited talking about it with my friends & family. I don't think everyone in college can say that about their field of choice.
I am beginning to realize that it's okay if my major doesn't sound prestigious or academically advanced to those who ask what I am pursuing. It has taken awhile but I have finally become confident in my major because after 7 months away from school I am itching to get back to studying what I love.
Art therapy for kids with cancer? Forensic Neuroscience? Research on the brain after serious trauma? Neuroscience specialized in Alzheimer's research?
We are so young, it's okay not to have any idea you just have to keep moving forward in search of what excites you & sets your soul on fire & everything will be okay.
xoxo,
Keagan